posted 11th February 2026
Living with Uncertainty: Finding Your Way When You Don’t Have All the Answers
I’d planned to write to you in January. I had ideas, good intentions, and then life happened, as it does, and here we are in February instead.
There’s something quite fitting about that, actually. Because what I want to talk about this month is uncertainty and my own small experience of plans shifting is a gentle reminder that none of us have it all figured out, no matter how organised we try to be.
If you’re reading this and feeling uncertain about something - your career, a relationship, a decision you need to make, or simply where you’re heading - you’re not alone. Uncertainty is one of the most universal human experiences, and yet it’s one we’re often least equipped to handle. We live in a culture that values certainty, clear plans, and definitive answers. But life, rather inconveniently, doesn’t always cooperate with our need for certainty.
The Emotional Weight of Not Knowing
Let’s be honest about what uncertainty actually feels like. It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s more than uncomfortable, it can be anxiety-inducing, destabilising, even frightening.
When we don’t know what’s going to happen, our minds tend to fill in the blanks, often with worst-case scenarios. “What if I’m not good enough?” “What if I make the wrong choice?” “What if everything falls apart?” Our brains are simply trying to protect us by preparing for potential threats.
The trouble is, this protective mechanism can keep us stuck. When the fear of the unknown feels too great, we often retreat to what feels safe, even when what feels safe isn’t actually good for us.
The Pull of Familiar Space
I work with many clients who find themselves caught in this particular pattern. They know something needs to change, but the uncertainty of what that change might bring feels overwhelming, so they stay in familiar space.
Perhaps you’re in a job that stopped fulfilling you some time ago. You’ve thought about leaving, maybe even looked at other opportunities, but then the anxiety creeps in: “What if I’m not good enough for something different? What if I can’t handle the change? What if I leave and it’s worse?” So you stay, not because you’re thriving, but because it’s known. The dissatisfaction is familiar, and familiar feels safer than uncertain.
Or perhaps you’ve recognised that you need better boundaries at work, with family, with friends. You’ve even managed to set them, which took courage. But then they’re tested. A family member asks for something you’ve said you can’t do anymore, and suddenly you’re not just dealing with your own discomfort, but with potential backlash from others. The pressure to “keep the peace” feels enormous. Your boundary feels new and vulnerable, and you’re not entirely sure you’re strong enough to maintain it. So you bend it. You accommodate. You tell yourself it’s easier this way, just this once. The familiar pattern of putting others’ comfort before your own reasserts itself because uncertainty about how others will react feels too risky.
When we feel uncertain, we naturally gravitate towards what we know, even when what we know isn’t serving us. It’s a survival instinct. However, staying in a familiar space simply because it’s familiar eventually has a cost.
Uncertainty as Part of Growth
What if we could recognise uncertainty as a sign that we’re in the process of growth, rather than something to be avoided or endured?
Think about any significant change you’ve made in your life. Learning a new skill, moving house, starting a relationship, changing careers, becoming a parent. All of these involved stepping into uncertainty. You didn’t know how things would turn out. You couldn’t guarantee success. But somewhere along the way, you decided the possibility of growth was worth the discomfort of not knowing.
The same is true now, whatever uncertainty you’re facing. The anxiety you feel isn’t evidence that you’re on the wrong path; it’s often evidence that you’re contemplating something that matters, something that would genuinely change your life.
When a client tells me they’re considering leaving an unfulfilling job but they’re worried they’re not good enough, I hear someone who’s recognised they want more and is scared of reaching for it. When someone tells me they set a boundary but felt enormous pressure to abandon it, I hear someone who’s learning to value their own needs and is discovering how challenging that can be when it’s new.
These moments of uncertainty, as uncomfortable as they are, are actually moments of potential. You’re standing at a threshold. You can see that change is possible. You just don’t know yet what’s on the other side.
Moving Forward Without Knowing the Outcome
So how do we move forward when we don’t know how things will turn out? How do we take steps into uncertainty without the guarantee of success?
The answer isn’t to wait until the uncertainty disappears. It won’t. The answer is to learn to move alongside it.
This is where curiosity becomes your greatest asset.
When we approach uncertainty with anxiety and fear, we tend to contract. Our thinking becomes narrow, focused on threat and protection. We see limited options: stay in familiar space or take a terrifying leap. We make rigid decisions: this boundary must hold perfectly, or I’ve failed. This choice must be the right one, or I’ve made a terrible mistake.
But when we approach uncertainty with curiosity, something shifts. Curiosity creates space. It gives us permission to not know. It allows us to explore rather than decide immediately. It opens up possibilities we couldn’t see when we were focused solely on avoiding the wrong outcome.
Curiosity asks different questions:
“I wonder what would happen if I tried this?”
“What might I learn from this experience, regardless of the outcome?”
“What if I trusted myself to handle whatever comes next?”
“What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?”
Cultivating Curiosity in Uncertain Times
Curiosity isn’t just a mindset; it’s a practice. Here are some ways to cultivate it when you’re facing uncertainty:
Reframe the question. Instead of “What if this goes wrong?” try “What if this goes right?” or better yet, “What might I discover through this process?”
Get specific about your fears. Often, our anxiety about uncertainty is vague and overwhelming. Write down exactly what you’re afraid might happen. When you make the fear concrete, it often becomes more manageable, and you can start asking curious questions about it: “Is this fear based on evidence or assumption? Have I handled difficult things before? What resources do I have that I’m not acknowledging?”
Experiment with small steps. You don’t have to have the whole path mapped out. Curiosity thrives on small experiments. If you’re contemplating leaving your job, what would it look like to update your CV? To have one conversation with a manager who is advertising a role? If you’re working on boundaries, what would it look like to hold one small boundary this week and notice what happens, without judging yourself for the outcome?
Notice when you’re defaulting to familiar space. This isn’t about criticising yourself. It’s about cultivating awareness. When you catch yourself retreating to old patterns - saying yes when you meant no, staying silent when you wanted to speak, overworking to avoid difficult feelings - pause and ask, “What am I afraid might happen if I do this differently?” Then get curious about that fear.
Collect evidence of your resilience. You’ve handled uncertain situations before. You’ve navigated changes, survived disappointments, adapted to circumstances you didn’t choose. Make a list of times you’ve moved through uncertainty and come out the other side and remind yourself that you have resources, even when you feel uncertain.
Ask “What if I don’t have to be perfect at this?” So much of our anxiety around uncertainty comes from the belief that we need to get it exactly right. What if you gave yourself permission to be a learner instead? To try things, adjust as you go, and see what unfolds?
How Coaching Supports You Through Uncertainty
If you’re in a period of uncertainty and finding it difficult to navigate alone, this is precisely where coaching can be invaluable.
Coaching doesn’t eliminate uncertainty, that’s not possible and it wouldn’t serve you if it were. But coaching provides structure and support as you learn to move through it.
In coaching, you have space to:
Explore the emotional experience of uncertainty without judgement.
Identify the familiar patterns you’re retreating to and understand why.
Examine the fears that are keeping you stuck with compassionate curiosity.
Practise new ways of responding to uncertainty in a safe, supportive environment.
Build confidence in your ability to handle not knowing.
Take small, meaningful steps forward whilst acknowledging the discomfort.
Develop self-trust, so you know that whatever happens, you can navigate it.
Coaching recognises that uncertainty isn’t a problem to be solved; it’s a human experience to be navigated with skill, self-compassion, and support. It honours that growth is rarely linear or comfortable, and that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is admit we don’t have all the answers whilst choosing to move forward anyway.
Permission to Be Uncertain
As we move through February, a month that often feels a bit in-between, neither the fresh start of January nor the promise of spring, I want to offer you permission:
Permission to not have it all figured out.
Permission to feel uncertain and still take small steps forward.
Permission to retreat to familiar space sometimes, and to gently guide yourself back when you’re ready.
Permission to be curious about your life, your choices, your growth - even when you don’t know where that curiosity will lead.
Permission to be imperfectly human, learning as you go.
Uncertainty is often a sign that you’re doing something different and brave. You’re considering change. You’re questioning patterns that no longer serve you. You’re imagining an alternative way of being in the world.
That takes courage. And you don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to do it perfectly.
You just have to be willing to take the next small step, even without knowing exactly where the path leads. Curiosity will help you find your way.
If you’re navigating uncertainty and would like support as you explore what’s next, coaching can provide the space and structure you need. Get in touch to discover how we might work together to help you move forward with curiosity, self-compassion, and courage.